She ain’t worth it…

This is a little personal. I needed to get some thoughts out. Don’t want to talk, but need to express some feelings…

Outsiders looking in usually are judgemental, will give their opinions in a split second. The problem comes in that split second when the truth hurts. That split second can make you cry a river. The reality that’s brought upon you from a different set of eyes.

People say they love you and are there for you and if you need anything to call them. It’s bs most of the time.  People share that line and it sounds so comforting. When you actually need them…no where in sight. I think that goes with love as well. ” I love you” is the biggest set of  words that can mean nothing at all.

Love? I used to know what it meant to be in love and be loved back. Doesn’t feel right now days. The sweet words, say one thing. It’s the actions that show love. At one point I wanted to hear it… I guess I’ve grown up some, because now its just words. Showing someone you love them doesn’t involve much. People don’t realize when you show love, the little things you do can be done in return to express your love. May sound like a copycat, but its so simple.

Children- it takes two to make a child. All it takes is one to carry a child. Wouldn’t it be easier for the pregnant mother to have support if the two were physically involved during the pregnancy? A lot less stress for one. And two, maybe the mother could actually relax, or her feelings could be cared about. So many empty tears wouldn’t be shed.

Happiness- is there a such thing as real true happiness? If so where is it? You ever wonder what it is you did so wrong in life to be dealt the hand you were given? Simple things are happiness. For me anyway. You don’t ask for much, but get nothing anyway by the one who “loves” you. Maybe I want happiness too much. Hell, who doesn’t? The problem is finding it. Not that person, but the happiness itself.

She ain’t worth it – at one time I thought I didn’t deserve love, happiness or a companion to share life with. Every time I turned, there was a new obstacle for me to fight through. Then I thought maybe I’m not worthy of these simple things that I long for so badly. I’ve cried myself to sleep at night wondering, why me?  Tears so big and heavy, you could hear them hit the pillow. I am worthy of all the things I desire. The problem now is trusting someone worthy enough to give myself to. Life is full of disappointments. After doubting what I deserve and what or who I’m good enough for – I know who I am, and how to love. Now to see who’s good enough for me and who deserves me.

Had to release some tears and some frustrations.