asmythoughtschange

Daily situations resulted in this blog.

She ain’t worth it…

This is a little personal. I needed to get some thoughts out. Don’t want to talk, but need to express some feelings…

Outsiders looking in usually are judgemental, will give their opinions in a split second. The problem comes in that split second when the truth hurts. That split second can make you cry a river. The reality that’s brought upon you from a different set of eyes.

People say they love you and are there for you and if you need anything to call them. It’s bs most of the time.  People share that line and it sounds so comforting. When you actually need them…no where in sight. I think that goes with love as well. ” I love you” is the biggest set of  words that can mean nothing at all.

Love? I used to know what it meant to be in love and be loved back. Doesn’t feel right now days. The sweet words, say one thing. It’s the actions that show love. At one point I wanted to hear it… I guess I’ve grown up some, because now its just words. Showing someone you love them doesn’t involve much. People don’t realize when you show love, the little things you do can be done in return to express your love. May sound like a copycat, but its so simple.

Children- it takes two to make a child. All it takes is one to carry a child. Wouldn’t it be easier for the pregnant mother to have support if the two were physically involved during the pregnancy? A lot less stress for one. And two, maybe the mother could actually relax, or her feelings could be cared about. So many empty tears wouldn’t be shed.

Happiness- is there a such thing as real true happiness? If so where is it? You ever wonder what it is you did so wrong in life to be dealt the hand you were given? Simple things are happiness. For me anyway. You don’t ask for much, but get nothing anyway by the one who “loves” you. Maybe I want happiness too much. Hell, who doesn’t? The problem is finding it. Not that person, but the happiness itself.

She ain’t worth it – at one time I thought I didn’t deserve love, happiness or a companion to share life with. Every time I turned, there was a new obstacle for me to fight through. Then I thought maybe I’m not worthy of these simple things that I long for so badly. I’ve cried myself to sleep at night wondering, why me?  Tears so big and heavy, you could hear them hit the pillow. I am worthy of all the things I desire. The problem now is trusting someone worthy enough to give myself to. Life is full of disappointments. After doubting what I deserve and what or who I’m good enough for – I know who I am, and how to love. Now to see who’s good enough for me and who deserves me.

Had to release some tears and some frustrations.

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02/01/2012 - Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

8 Comments »

  1. I truly understand, when you get the time check out Judge Me Not, Child Of God! Think it could help you a little. I do hope you taking care of yourself and I’m waiting to hear the good news when the lil guy arrive. School keeping me busy as well as my illness haven’t check on you much lately. Still in my prayers. God Bless 🙂

    Comment by poeticjourney | 02/01/2012 | Reply

  2. To realise your own self-worth makes your priceless, and the love yourself without hesitation or reason make you a force of nature.

    Words are just words, until we find the meanings behind them. My thoughts on “happiness” tend to be rather fleeting as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now. I’m usually content, but always striving to keep others happy, its an odd balance I’ll admit.

    Love has no shape, it is what you want it to be. Whomever embodies or triggers that emotion for you should know what power they hold and the responsibility that it holds.

    Love is gravity, it anchors you & elevates you at the same time.

    Take care hun. *hug*

    Comment by The Wandering Mind | 02/04/2012 | Reply

    • Thank u. I appreciate it.

      Comment by Christina | 02/04/2012 | Reply

  3. wow thats deep
    you right thought you should find the one to love you and doesnt think of himself cause he should drop everything JUST for you and fuck the rest of the world…

    Comment by Da Poets Corner dot com | 02/06/2012 | Reply

  4. I like the honesty I hear in your words. Keep writing.

    Comment by rainey | 02/13/2012 | Reply

    • It’s the best way for me to express myself. To keep from arguing I let the paper have it. 🙂

      Comment by Christina | 02/13/2012 | Reply

  5. I can relate to these words so well today. The one that said he loved me has chosen to go away. I do not understand what happened. He just left. My heart has been crushed and I do not know why people say they love you and then leave when everything does not go exactly their way. That is not love.
    I am sorry you have experienced things to make you write sad poetry. Sadly, maybe that is the fate of poets like us. Maybe love will come again but it will be hard to trust the next time, won’t it?
    Beautiful writing. I have a poetry blog, in addition to my regular blogs
    Annie’s Poetry
    Much love
    Annie

    Comment by gentlekindness | 03/19/2015 | Reply

    • Annie, thanks for your comment. My life has been a painful cycle. Fortunately poetry allowed me to release my tears without any arguing. I’ve learn to mask these feelings and not rely so much on the poetry tho. I am happier now than i was before. I’m going to start writing again. I really miss it. May not be sad stuff tho. 🙂

      Comment by Christina | 03/19/2015 | Reply


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