asmythoughtschange

Daily situations resulted in this blog.

11/28/15

an illusion of you…

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11/28/2015 Posted by | Haiku, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Useless

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After everything, still alone. How much heartbreak is one person supposed to go through? So tired of crying for happiness. With each try comes a child, relationship failure, and left alone to figure it out. How is it I’m supposed to have faith and trust, but with each time, despite the trust, despite the faith there is an asshole there to bring pain to my heart?

How is it so easy to make children and walk out of their lives only to give indecisive answers to any question or want that they may have? How can a person continue to make children and leave each of them? Its a repetitive loser cycle. I could never just leave my children and live my life content. The kids need both of their parents. Sure it’s easy to find someone else to replace the absent parent, but its not completely fair to the children.

Excuses….don’t we all have them? The great thing about that is, when it’s something we really want, theres no excuse, we do it, get it, or whatever.

I have given up on love. I no longer want to love again. I don’t want another selfish, son of a bitch to think he can treat me however and expect me to be a good woman. F**k being a good woman. Being a good woman gets you cheated on, lied to, forgot about, used, taken advantage of, belittled, laughed at, put down, and left to raise kids alone.

I often wonder what is wrong with me, am I not skinny enough, and I not fat enough, is it because im not a black woman or a Spanish one, is it the excitement of being with a white girl, is it the disappointment, is it embarrassment, Is my hair long enough, is it too short, is it because I cant give everything, or is it because I give everything I have, is it because I want more, do I not want enough??

I just want to give up on everyone and everything. The depression is taking over. The tears slide over my cheeks to my pillow. Who would notice, who would know, who would care??

04/27/2014 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Heartless

those-who-are-heartless-once-cared-too-much (500x375)

After all we’ve been through

the same shit you do!

Fuck this relationship

fuck the regular lies from your lip,

Ink you spill from one to the next

its no wonder frowns, vexed.

You’re all the same

playing the love game.

I will leave your thoughts open,

your heart drowning, sunk in.

your thoughts, your feelings

your cares, I cared, now who cares

…heartless…

09/16/2013 Posted by | poem, Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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If I had to pay
How would I know if its real
Pay the price for love?

Not interested
I, challenged with emotions
Will not pay a price.

Conditionally
My heart shows too much feeling
Love….I paid the price.

08/11/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A little Haiku

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Loved you with my heart
Just to give you everything
Til death do us part

07/08/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Stupid

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I rant
I rave,

I give
I forgave,

Listened, heard
A speechless word

Loved..thick and thin
Your heart,  I’d win,

Settled, took what came
In the end, this game…..

Feeling stupid
FUCK CUPID.

06/11/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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Depressed, hurt, betrayed
Standing tall, despite the height
Yes, I’m still standing.

06/11/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Never Again

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The look in my eyes

to the curve of my thighs

You can look, search, and try

But another me…you’ll never find.

A heart full of love

With every word-away you shoved

Your love, all I thought of

Today, I’ve had enough

I smile big now

Confident – I remember how

Don’t confuse it with a scout

Taking it slow, not lookin for vows

Always tried my best

Stood out from the rest

Listened through your chest

Like a coward, you left the nest

Waited like a fool

Let you twist and turn me like a tool

Tried to sit and keep cool

I’ve drowned in a tear pool

Love can goto hell

My heart clammed up in a shell

This lil fairytale,

I lived to tell…..

One mans trash is anothers treasure

The next will be beyond measure.

06/08/2013 Posted by | Haiku, poem, poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Forgotten

I’ve forgotten….

I’ve forgotten how it feels to be loved.

04/15/2013 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’m thru with it….love

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Love….you used to mean something to me. You’ve shown things I needed to see. Love….I was glad to have you. I don’t like what you turned me into. Love….you are no longer needed My expectations of you, exceeded. I won’t look for you anymore Returning the feeling, I once wore.

03/26/2013 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A woman, now Fed Up…..

Over the years I’ve given EVERYTHING I have to people, even worse the ones who don’t deserve any part of me. I have decided to now give what’s given, to put out what’s put in, and to let go when I’m losing grip. My heart once was trusting, loving, caring, and happy. Thanks to a few low life jerks in my life, now I have to go through a healing phase. Dreams I have, don’t matter as long as other people fulfill theirs….. well not anymore! It’s time I make my stand. It’s time I do for me. So sick of the let downs, the dead conversations, the relationship that doesn’t have what relationships have!!! Ready to make moves and don’t care who’s hurt along the way!!! May be selfish, I’ve never worn that shoe before, think in gonna try it on and see how it fits!!

01/03/2013 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Life

I
Just
Want
To
Scream,
Kick,
&
Cry!!

10/11/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You can talk to me….

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So much on my mind
Wondering what’s going wrong
…you can talk to me…

Emptiness inside
Want so bad to express me
…you can talk to me…

A friend is needed
Someone to listen to me
…you can talk to me…

You, my love, my friend
You cannot handle my thoughts
…you can talk to me…

Love once shared, distant
Now, even further apart
…you can talk to me…

I expect a lot
Nothing more than I did then
…you can talk to me…

Wanting to reach out
Reaching for someone to love
…you can talk to me…

I don’t want to hurt
I don’t want an empty love
…you can talk to me…

He says, “what’s wrong Chris”?
“What did I do or not do”?
…you can talk to me…

Explanations flow
Pouring out thoughts, and my heart
…you can talk to me…

No more, I love yous
Since now I’ve expressed myself
I can’t talk to you…

09/28/2012 Posted by | Haiku, Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

:(

When
A
Woman’s
Fed
Up
…..
there ain’t nothing
     you can do about it!!!

09/11/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

True statement.

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09/01/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Been a while…

Good evening. I have so many thoughts in my mind, so many feelings flowing through my heart. I don’t know how to put this to words. Feeling…not blank, but blank. Emotions too embarrassing for posting.

A life, once wanted…
A love, once felt…
A void, never thought of…
Emptiness, indescribable…

I don’t know what the feeling is… A little too tired to try and figure it out.

Instead of dwelling on the emotional roller coaster, I’ve decided to follow my heart, make myself happy, and fulfill the dreams and wants I have. If love is involved, great! If love fails, well then it just wasn’t meant to be.

I can’t focus on any poetry. My mindset isn’t there. This was just a hello to all my followers, I’m still alive :), my poetry isn’t for the time being.

Thank you for reading. YOLO!!!

06/30/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Making some repairs…

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Holes in the wall
…your words…
I’ve heard them all

Photographs of happiness
…cracked…
not what we’d wished

Home, once full of love
…silence…
Love wasn’t strong enough

Missing what we had
…us…
Now turning bad

Wondering what to do
…separated…
Almost through

Holding onto what
…a love?…
I want to trust you, but…

One thread at a time
…happiness again…
We will find.

06/05/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shattered

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Like broke glass, shattered
with what was once filled with…love
photographs, no more

Torn between the two
should you stay or should you go
Is your heart now lost?

Don’t know how or when
trying to gather pieces
only time can tell.

I will love again
Love for you has never left
my actions will speak.

Chosen words were wrong
memories of history
accusations hurt

Losing a feeling
conversation of the past
I don’t want to be!

The house, the plans, us
raising our family…
can it be repaired?

Do we continue
Holding on to shattered love?
Is hope really lost?

05/30/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A letter to Love

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Love, on you, I’ve given up
          I tried to know you
          Tried to feel you
          I failed.
Love, I wish I never met you
          The way you make people feel
          its not fair
          although you are worth experiencing
Love, what have I done to you
          why do you treat me like you do
          are you worth my tears
          many tears I’ve cried for you
Love, I understand why people shy away
          why people run and hide
           the way you make people feel,
may not be worth the ride
Love, I’ve loved how I wanted to be loved
          but something about you
          I don’t do enough of
          so with you, I’m giving up…

          

05/11/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Free

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Releasing the lock
breaking free, the chains that bind
I’ve loved, and I’ve lost

05/08/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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