asmythoughtschange

Daily situations resulted in this blog.

One Wish

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Introduction to
Avoidance of happiness
Once….I wished  for love

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07/03/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Life

I
Just
Want
To
Scream,
Kick,
&
Cry!!

10/11/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Deceiving

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St Augustine, beautifully healthy
bright, crisp and green
no dull patches
every strand matches
seeds planted to bloom
plenty of space, growing room
daily kept, well maintained
everyday beauty, remained
beneath, a hole was forming
signs, but not much warning
time and energy spent
ruined, down it went
beautiful as it seemed
the grass wasn’t really green.

10/10/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Imagining the day…

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Good morning with a smile
   a smile that lasts
   not for a short while.
Hugs throughout the day
   even if its a hundred
   without something slick to say.
Flowers, an expression for me
   no words at all
   just love to see.
A night of Passion
   slow music and candles
   making love, that’s lasting.
Rose tips trace my body
   skimming every curve
   has me feeling so sexy.
Just my imagination thinking
   intense love
   given, without asking.

10/08/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

About what I want…

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to be held, caressed
given a flower or two
told, “you’re beautiful”

10/04/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Someone

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The one who loves me,
Every thought is us, we.

Sweet kisses good night,
Gentle hugs when we rise.

Loving phone calls through the day
Never to say much, just hey.

Attention is needed
Not to doubt a love, we succeeded.

The scent you left behind
Memories to rewind.

A love so magnificent
Handle my heart with diligence.

As the day unfolds, I miss you
Moments with you are far and few…

10/04/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hope may be lost #9

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Miles apart, we
faith and belief, you and me
long distance love, us

Poetry I’d write
expressing my love for you
hurt and anger too

Believing in you
hearing what you claimed to be
T~R~U~T~H

Love….I wanted you
living the life we had planned
life, was about you

Lost in emotions of…love
broken, cracked, not forgotten
I’ve doubted, why me?

Hurt turned to anger
communication’s broke down
at times… I don’t care

LOVE…happiness…HOPE
trust re-established for love
Where do we begin?

05/25/2012 Posted by | Haiku, Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Appearance

Just a thought…

Do you ever look at some people and wonder what goes on in their life? An appearance can be deceiving, misunderstood, confusing, or just plain truth about someone. I seen someone and thought, “damn they got it together”, I was wrong. People have much game, in other words….lies, their appearance along with their words can be mistaken for what and who they really are. Bad thing is, you try to believe people and not always think the worst, but what’s shown…the worst. Then we’re left stereotyping, or not trusting, which can lead to problems.

I’ve been a bad judge of character, but, I can sometimes look right through the bullshit. Eyes are an obstacle, I can’t always get through. They say you can see someone is lying through their eyes, but a compulsive liar will look you in your eyes and make you believe their lies as much as they do.

Women carry themselves a certain way, and they’re looked at for their appearance. Once you talk to some-eye opener, not what you thought. Some dress conservative, and you think, “ok, damn I wonder what kind of car she drives”?, and you look, its a wrecked Ford Taurus, where you’re thinking it would have been a Lexus. Or maybe its the other way around, she’s looking trashy, and she’s rolling in an Escalade on 28’s. And then there’s the men…oh I love this, he passes you by at the store smelling so good, looking nice, appears to have it together and you think, (damn, maybe he’s the one, good job, dresses nice, fine, and he has no ring on his finger), but, yes but he’s got a woman he’s shacking with, and has kids, his job isn’t the greatest, and will still give you some play because he lured you in by his appearance and in the end, that’s all he’s really got. And then there’s the guy we think has nothing, jeans, white T-Shirt crisp on the sleeves, like he just ironed it, long thick gold chain, with a few golds in his mouth, in the back of your mind, street pharmacist…not the type of guy you’d want around for fear of having to bond him out at some point. When in fact his appearance says that, however, he writes poetry, use sweet and he has his own business and started from nothing and building it from the ground up, and his appearance let’s you know he hasn’t forgotten where he came from, but he had dreams and followed through with them. Has no woman in his life, because he’s focused on his dream.

My job requires me to deal with people everyday and sometimes, well most of  the time, I try not to stereotype them, however it is so hard due to their appearance. In everyday life people have their own style, and some wish they were what they appeared to be or not how they appeared to be.

In love, appearance says a lot too. You can be with someone and appear to be so happily in love, but   you’re miserable and want out, but can’t, don’t know how, don’t want to hurt anyone so instead you hurt and stay in this, what appears to be happy relationship.

In my life I’ve shown sides that I’m not. I’ve appeared to be happy and stress free when I was lost and confused, hurt, felt unloved, but still held onto a facade of happiness.

Anyway, just felt the need to write about something and appearance was brought to my attention this morning.

Have a good day, and thanks for reading =)

05/17/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Happyness

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Fascination of…
Love….moments we’ve shared, us two
STILL in love with you

05/02/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Love

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Love has come and gone
Irreplaceable love – found
Love has gone and come!

04/18/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Title

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…blank…
as my thoughts change

mind thinking
thoughts changing
pencil sharpened
ink spilling
happy heart
heartbroken
full of love
empty
confident
clueless
a new leaf
history repeats
motivated
driveless
…blank…
again

as my thoughts change

04/06/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Haiku #15

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His eyes big and brown
Peaceful sleep, smiles throughout
I love my lil man…

03/19/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

She ain’t worth it…

This is a little personal. I needed to get some thoughts out. Don’t want to talk, but need to express some feelings…

Outsiders looking in usually are judgemental, will give their opinions in a split second. The problem comes in that split second when the truth hurts. That split second can make you cry a river. The reality that’s brought upon you from a different set of eyes.

People say they love you and are there for you and if you need anything to call them. It’s bs most of the time.  People share that line and it sounds so comforting. When you actually need them…no where in sight. I think that goes with love as well. ” I love you” is the biggest set of  words that can mean nothing at all.

Love? I used to know what it meant to be in love and be loved back. Doesn’t feel right now days. The sweet words, say one thing. It’s the actions that show love. At one point I wanted to hear it… I guess I’ve grown up some, because now its just words. Showing someone you love them doesn’t involve much. People don’t realize when you show love, the little things you do can be done in return to express your love. May sound like a copycat, but its so simple.

Children- it takes two to make a child. All it takes is one to carry a child. Wouldn’t it be easier for the pregnant mother to have support if the two were physically involved during the pregnancy? A lot less stress for one. And two, maybe the mother could actually relax, or her feelings could be cared about. So many empty tears wouldn’t be shed.

Happiness- is there a such thing as real true happiness? If so where is it? You ever wonder what it is you did so wrong in life to be dealt the hand you were given? Simple things are happiness. For me anyway. You don’t ask for much, but get nothing anyway by the one who “loves” you. Maybe I want happiness too much. Hell, who doesn’t? The problem is finding it. Not that person, but the happiness itself.

She ain’t worth it – at one time I thought I didn’t deserve love, happiness or a companion to share life with. Every time I turned, there was a new obstacle for me to fight through. Then I thought maybe I’m not worthy of these simple things that I long for so badly. I’ve cried myself to sleep at night wondering, why me?  Tears so big and heavy, you could hear them hit the pillow. I am worthy of all the things I desire. The problem now is trusting someone worthy enough to give myself to. Life is full of disappointments. After doubting what I deserve and what or who I’m good enough for – I know who I am, and how to love. Now to see who’s good enough for me and who deserves me.

Had to release some tears and some frustrations.

02/01/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Advice, Opinions, Suggestions

Hello to my readers, visitors, followers, and my subscribers. I along with another poet would like some feedback on the “He said, She said” series of poetry we’re working on. He and I are curious what people think of the collaborations.
Thanking you in advance. 🙂

http://dapoetscornerdotcom.wordpress.com

01/27/2012 Posted by | Haiku, Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

He said, she said….. Spoiled

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He said,
“You want to be spoiled
How can I spoil you more,
What more can I do”?

She said,
“I want all of you
your heart, love, thoughts, poetry
I don’t ask for much”

01/27/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

He said, She said

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He said:
“Making you happy
Most important thing to me
Seeing you smile”

She said:
“I’m happy with you
You are my reason to smile
In love with words….US”

01/27/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

If he were mine…

I talk to him as often as possible, though its not right. The sound of his voice makes me want him like crazy. I imagine the shape and movement of his lips as my name rolls off his tongue. What would it be like to have this man whispering in my ear? The things he says through the phone, would it sound the same if he were with me? Am I crazy for wanting someone I’ve never met? Something about his tone, his accent, his words, and his voicemails to me….

Meeting someone for the first time not knowing what to expect, other than what you’ve been told. Everything isn’t always as it seems. Thinking you have a complete package in one. Just knowing this is it!   ….and then….WOW!!! there he is, kinda tall, dark skinned, slim, bowlegged, smooth skin, eyes are just as I imagined, his mouth is perfect, his lips put me in lust,  waves on point, he gets closer…then in that first hug, I reach around I can feel this amazingly deep dip in his back, my head on his chest, and through this first hug, I feel his heartbeat. At that moment it felt too good to be true…

Going to my place, I giggle like a little girl who has her first crush. Wanting to say so many things, sweaty palms, heart racing, nervous, wondering, “What does he think of me? What’s on his mind? How far will this go? Is this what I want? Am I what he wants? Are we getting in over our head?” So many things in thought. Trying to hide my nervousness, though its so obvious… I have no idea what to talk about. On the phone there’s so much to say, but once face to face…a giggly mute girl. Thinking to myself, damn this man is sexy. His voice was just as wonderful in person as over the phone. I must admit though, it was more intriguing on the phone not knowing how it would be side by side.

Welcoming balloons covered my ceiling as we entered. It was almost as if he’d left for a little bit and returned home. Was this reality, was this really happening? “How did phone conversations and emails come to this? Could he be the man of my dreams? Is there something he’s hiding? Is this fate? Are we meant to be?” As I go back to questioning myself again. Snapping out of it…enjoying him here after all the conversations, he’s really in my domain…thinking some crazy thoughts now…kinda like my prisoner, no where to run, no where to hide. HE IS MINE! I want to take advantage of him and do as I please to him with no harm intended, listening to his words that flow, they flow through my body, sending chills to my brain driving every part of me insane, doing things unimaginable to anyone but me…

I still wonder if it was a fairytale. If it were meant to be. If we will be as one or was this a phase needed to build offspring. So much life involved. Love, hurt, tears (both happy and sad ones), happiness, sadness, hopes, dreams, and then the realities. In love with a man that first became a friend. Will my fairytale continue…making my friend, my love, my husband???

01/22/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Dealt Hand

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Ups and downs
    Wins and loses
          Lovers and haters
               Friends but no enemies
                    Single parent home
                         Good and bad days
                              A Happy New Year….gone wrong

However my hand was dealt, I have been strong and worked through it. Strength and determination wasnt lacked. It’s been a rough year, the end was just as rough. Happy, sad, and some confusing moments.

2011 has been a year full of lessons, two main things stick out – not all “friends” were friends and many words that were spit, had no real meaning, so they weren’t kept. Love? Oh how I have learned about love. It can have you making choices and doing things that should NOT be done! Last thing that stood out….liars will be liars…”see what had happened was”. Lol

Trying to get the right jump off in 2012, I will be in church blessing my new year coming as well as my son on the way and the other two I already have. I plan to love and be loved. This year I won’t just settle like I’ve done this year. Settling…set me back! Just because the hand I was dealt wasn’t the best, doesn’t mean I can’t make the best of it!

…Happy New Year…

12/30/2011 Posted by | Poetry, Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Feeling Poetry

Do you feel poetry inside yourself?

I feel it in his name
When he touches me
When I hear his ringtone
When I see his name
Through his masculine deep voice
I feel poetry

His pictures
With his baby growing in me
I feel his happiness
I feel his sadness
As well as his concerns
I feel poetry

When I’m listening to music
It makes me think of him
I listen to his problems
I’ve heard him in tears
Then too, I feel poetry

He’s expressed his dreams
hopes
aspirations
poetry
heart
love

He is poetic
He is amazing
He is my love
…With him…

I
   Feel
          Poetry!!!

12/20/2011 Posted by | Poetry, Sharing My Thoughts, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

His Trophy

I was perfect,
My eyes, he loved
My body, he thought of
Always commented on how I dressed
With my frame, he was impressed
Constant phone calls to say he loved me
At night, he held me til I fell asleep
When we went out
He was proud
If a man looked at me, he’d hold me close
Smiling because he was who I chose
He loved how I looked in heels
With his arm around my waist, my curves he could feel
This man put me on a pedestal
Even when I was unlovable
He wanted a chance I gave someone else
In love with me, is how he felt
I wasn’t the best I could be
But still….I was his trophy…

12/07/2011 Posted by | Poetry, Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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