asmythoughtschange

Daily situations resulted in this blog.

Taking on new thoughts

Heard all the excuses

some I’m sure were lies

unfortunately, now it deuces

a child to hold ties.

Our fairytale came to an end

long ago it was dead

space helped to mend

as I sleep alone in my bed.

New thoughts I think

new plans I make

the sadness had to sink

no more emptiness I’ll take.

Life is too short to waste

trying to be something I’m not

reality is a bitter taste

one day I’ll get the knot =)

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12/08/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Heartless

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After all we’ve been through

the same shit you do!

Fuck this relationship

fuck the regular lies from your lip,

Ink you spill from one to the next

its no wonder frowns, vexed.

You’re all the same

playing the love game.

I will leave your thoughts open,

your heart drowning, sunk in.

your thoughts, your feelings

your cares, I cared, now who cares

…heartless…

09/16/2013 Posted by | poem, Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Stupid

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I rant
I rave,

I give
I forgave,

Listened, heard
A speechless word

Loved..thick and thin
Your heart,  I’d win,

Settled, took what came
In the end, this game…..

Feeling stupid
FUCK CUPID.

06/11/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Never Again

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The look in my eyes

to the curve of my thighs

You can look, search, and try

But another me…you’ll never find.

A heart full of love

With every word-away you shoved

Your love, all I thought of

Today, I’ve had enough

I smile big now

Confident – I remember how

Don’t confuse it with a scout

Taking it slow, not lookin for vows

Always tried my best

Stood out from the rest

Listened through your chest

Like a coward, you left the nest

Waited like a fool

Let you twist and turn me like a tool

Tried to sit and keep cool

I’ve drowned in a tear pool

Love can goto hell

My heart clammed up in a shell

This lil fairytale,

I lived to tell…..

One mans trash is anothers treasure

The next will be beyond measure.

06/08/2013 Posted by | Haiku, poem, poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

I’m thru with it….love

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Love….you used to mean something to me. You’ve shown things I needed to see. Love….I was glad to have you. I don’t like what you turned me into. Love….you are no longer needed My expectations of you, exceeded. I won’t look for you anymore Returning the feeling, I once wore.

03/26/2013 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A woman, now Fed Up…..

Over the years I’ve given EVERYTHING I have to people, even worse the ones who don’t deserve any part of me. I have decided to now give what’s given, to put out what’s put in, and to let go when I’m losing grip. My heart once was trusting, loving, caring, and happy. Thanks to a few low life jerks in my life, now I have to go through a healing phase. Dreams I have, don’t matter as long as other people fulfill theirs….. well not anymore! It’s time I make my stand. It’s time I do for me. So sick of the let downs, the dead conversations, the relationship that doesn’t have what relationships have!!! Ready to make moves and don’t care who’s hurt along the way!!! May be selfish, I’ve never worn that shoe before, think in gonna try it on and see how it fits!!

01/03/2013 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

:(

When
A
Woman’s
Fed
Up
…..
there ain’t nothing
     you can do about it!!!

09/11/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Jealous

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I wish I were her
that woman, that lady, that girl
the one who occupies your mind
that one whom you’ll always find time
the one you dream of
her, the one you love
that woman you want
never embarrassed to flaunt
the lady you think about
that one who feels your love, without a doubt
the girl who has your heart
your canvas, she’s picture perfect art
the woman you’re so proud of
giving her your love, never enough!

05/03/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Haiku #13

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His secrets and lies
I love you, I really do
…It is what it is…

03/12/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Fallback Friday

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Friday nights mean nothing
phone on, but doesn’t ring
come Saturday, stressed and worried
then blow me up for apologies
claim to understand and know
that isn’t what actions show
instead I sit here and wait
for a call out of New York state
I could go out or make a call
trying to be strong through it all
lonely Friday night
wonders why I’m ready to fight
It’s called fallback for a reason
he falls back for the evening…

01/27/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Dreadful Days

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Eight to five, Monday thru Friday
They try you, so watch what you say
Sit back and hawk your every move
Comment, then ask why the attitude
The wrong ones running the show
You ask a question, the answer, they don’t know
Phoney could never fit me
Which is why here, I’m nobody
I have to keep my mouth shut
In this profession, a bitch will be like “WHAT”?
So ready to pop off
We must remember who’s boss
…only at this job
So I’m silent and act like a snob
Anything to get someone in trouble
One day she’ll burst the wrong bubble
Feel a wrath like never before
I mean damn we’re babysat like we’re four
I had to put this on paper
Otherwise some harsh words will be said to her
Ready to snap and let her have it
Oh the reasons why I don’t quit…
This system makes it hard to get ahead
Until my opportunity comes…
Everyday 8am, I dread.

01/05/2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Bed You Made

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Once a whore, always a whore
continuing to look for more
the one you have isn’t enough
but you say you’re in love
Love is a game to some
but when they get played, they sit looking dumb
wondering what’s wrong
then sing the “I’m sorry” song
trust and believe, its all good
another will treat me as you should 🙂
letting go is what I do
all I wanted was to love you
I can’t love someone who is still looking
once its said and done, you’ll be a part of my scrapbooking
so keep searching for your trade
its your bed….you have made

12/28/2011 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A waste

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Poetry written
shed too many wasted tears
done crying for you.

12/28/2011 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

This mornings thoughts…

In life, as we grow we make mistakes. Some of us learn from them. And some don’t. I’ve noticed that some people will settle, just for the sake of feeling loved. Love is supposed to be an amazing feeling. The best part of love for me is knowing its  genuwine. However at one time, I wasn’t sure if real love would ever make its way to me. I thought maybe I asked for too much.

After an incident that occurred yesterday, I’ve learned I can be someones biggest threat because of the woman I am, the love I give and display or have displayed in the past. After you have been hurt and done so wrong and still can continue to love with your all and no bitterness…it says a lot. People can mistake no tolerance for bitterness though. One person can only tolerate so much being done to them before a wall has been built. It is up to the next to care enough to break it down and get inside. It’s not ok to break the barriers, feel like you have won, to give that person a reason later on to build a thicker wall with more stability and structure that makes it impossible to break down again.

People make mistakes through patterns. Women, we complain about going through issues with men, but its a pattern or a cycle, we choose the same type of men or we feel we need more than one man to compensate what another lacks. Or we as people tolerate the same crap from others, because we don’t realize or care to recognize the pattern. Men, you complain all the good women are taken or you can’t find one. A pattern as well, maybe you are attracted to the same type of woman, maybe you feel you need more than one woman, whatever the case is, if we’re tired of the same PATTERNS we have to acknowledge them and change them.

Yesterday is gone, we cannot take back anything done or said from yesterday. Today is here, live right and love the one you desire from this day forward. Tomorrow is not promised, don’t regret your today…tomorrow.

Felt the need to express this. Comments are welcome. God bless and have a beautiful day.

12/10/2011 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Broken Promises

This was written a couple months ago, but I wanted to post…

Conversation, dead
Why do I bother waiting
Feels like wasted time

Tired of the lies
And so sick of the voicemail
Broken promises

Why I continue
Put in too much fuckin trust
I know shit aint right

Believing each line
Each line of complete bullshit
Waiting on a call

You just don’t get it
Why the hell did I meet you
Bout to let this go

Why hold on to this
What’s the benefit for me
Broken promises

12/07/2011 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

But I’m Crazy?

I wrote this a couple months ago, but wanted to post it.

Late night conversations
A thing of the past.
Miscellaneous calls at one or two in the am
Just to hear my voice, done!
Sweet throughout the day texts
Forgot what those feel like.
Roses through messages to let me know
….I WAS on your mind….
Hour long talks
Without quiet gaps in between.
Impatience, to see me
Feels so dreadful now.
The talks of marriage
Down the drain.
Comments of missing me
Those only from me now.
Thoughtful gestures…
Disappeared!
Getting on your nerves
Was never the case.
Arguements regularly
Because of change
Practice what you preach
“Don’t ever change”
Thoughts I think now
…..cuz I’m crazy!!

Crazy I’m not.
signs of separation
Accusations for a cause
— Trust —
How does one
With all the obvious changes
— Love —
Why when its not returned
— Distance —
Learning to do that myself
— Conversation —
Empty and dry
— Hate —
Soon to replace love
— Life —
Without love
….I’ll manage….
— Change —
I have to for me
— Happiness —
Feels good
— Relationship —
Two people “together”
— Regrets —
Just one
— Dead —
…………………….
— Quote —
What goes around, comes around.
…all this cuz I’m crazy…

12/07/2011 Posted by | Poetry, Sharing My Thoughts, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Moving on – Letting go

This is not a poem of any kind. No one to talk to, so thank goodness for the internet.

Give, give, give you have that kind of heart where all you do is give and are there for your so called loved ones, be it man, friends, actual family?

I’m having that kind of “aha” moment where its been shown to me who I can and can’t depend on. I feel as if I’ve been put here to make shit easier for others, kinda say the hell with myself. A little tired of feeling taken advantage of. I’m ready to change my number, address, location, city, my circle, everything! Just replace all of the replaceables in my life and be a little selfish for once.

Instead of always running to help or be there for others who don’t deserve it, be there for me, myself, and I. Yes I’m having a moment! I deserve happiness and I will have it. I can’t really make moves until March, but the first step is realizing what needs to be done, make a plan, then bounce with ABSOLUTELY NO RETURN address.

Everyone who read this have a great day.

11/22/2011 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Suicidal Thoughts

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At this moment
LIFE flashes before the eyes
Is it worth it?
Headaches
Meltdowns
Heartbreaks
Let downs
Cheaters
Liars
Deceivers
Users
Losers
Loneliness
Love
Hurt
Debt
Neglect
Embarrassment
Intelligence
…if the trigger is pulled…

None of this is worth my own life.
The stress will pass.

Need help call 1-800-273-8255

11/01/2011 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Voicemail

Voicemail, damn voicemail

can’t stand your effing voicemail

Answer the damn phone!!

10/31/2011 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , | 1 Comment

Karma

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As I sit here with things on my mind
Why didn’t I see, how was I so blind?
I wondered what I did wrong
I stuck around, through it all, for so long.
As usual I did, and I gave
Catered to you willing to be your lil slave.
I put in so much trust and didn’t see
All the bullshit that was done to me.
Finally decided to let you go
It hurt and knew it would, but little did I know.
Leaving you would be such a relief
I can leave things lay around with no fear of a thief.
And now a few years later
     How the tables have turned
The one you cheated with? You hate her.
She’s got fear you’ll come back to me
NEVER with me is where you’ll be.
She sweats my Facebook page
Seen a picture of you and text me in a rage.
All her questions and accusations are amusing
The game you two played is now confusing.
You lost something good with me
She knows it, and even now she sees.
But with Karma, you learn
And now the love you had, you yearn.
All I will ever be is your baby mama
Cause being without you=no drama.
Best wishes to you
And whatever in life you go through.

09/29/2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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