asmythoughtschange

Daily situations resulted in this blog.

11/28/15

an illusion of you…

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11/28/2015 Posted by | Haiku, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blind

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Living life with no vision
Only to search and listen.
Touching my way through
Prince charming where are you?
Help me to find my way
With so much to see each day.
Though blinded, no sight to see
Share your vision with me.
Let me fall in love with you
Express the beauty of your view.
If only we could love without sight
Blinded eyes shine bright.
Objects between us we share
Day and night don’t compare.
An unseen heart, though felt
Real love through unfair cards dealt.
True love I will one day find
I wish to see it blind…..

12/28/2014 Posted by | poem, poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Six words

Spilled ink splattered across the table.

07/24/2014 Posted by | poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Useless

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After everything, still alone. How much heartbreak is one person supposed to go through? So tired of crying for happiness. With each try comes a child, relationship failure, and left alone to figure it out. How is it I’m supposed to have faith and trust, but with each time, despite the trust, despite the faith there is an asshole there to bring pain to my heart?

How is it so easy to make children and walk out of their lives only to give indecisive answers to any question or want that they may have? How can a person continue to make children and leave each of them? Its a repetitive loser cycle. I could never just leave my children and live my life content. The kids need both of their parents. Sure it’s easy to find someone else to replace the absent parent, but its not completely fair to the children.

Excuses….don’t we all have them? The great thing about that is, when it’s something we really want, theres no excuse, we do it, get it, or whatever.

I have given up on love. I no longer want to love again. I don’t want another selfish, son of a bitch to think he can treat me however and expect me to be a good woman. F**k being a good woman. Being a good woman gets you cheated on, lied to, forgot about, used, taken advantage of, belittled, laughed at, put down, and left to raise kids alone.

I often wonder what is wrong with me, am I not skinny enough, and I not fat enough, is it because im not a black woman or a Spanish one, is it the excitement of being with a white girl, is it the disappointment, is it embarrassment, Is my hair long enough, is it too short, is it because I cant give everything, or is it because I give everything I have, is it because I want more, do I not want enough??

I just want to give up on everyone and everything. The depression is taking over. The tears slide over my cheeks to my pillow. Who would notice, who would know, who would care??

04/27/2014 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Taking on new thoughts

Heard all the excuses

some I’m sure were lies

unfortunately, now it deuces

a child to hold ties.

Our fairytale came to an end

long ago it was dead

space helped to mend

as I sleep alone in my bed.

New thoughts I think

new plans I make

the sadness had to sink

no more emptiness I’ll take.

Life is too short to waste

trying to be something I’m not

reality is a bitter taste

one day I’ll get the knot =)

12/08/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Heartless

those-who-are-heartless-once-cared-too-much (500x375)

After all we’ve been through

the same shit you do!

Fuck this relationship

fuck the regular lies from your lip,

Ink you spill from one to the next

its no wonder frowns, vexed.

You’re all the same

playing the love game.

I will leave your thoughts open,

your heart drowning, sunk in.

your thoughts, your feelings

your cares, I cared, now who cares

…heartless…

09/16/2013 Posted by | poem, Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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If I had to pay
How would I know if its real
Pay the price for love?

Not interested
I, challenged with emotions
Will not pay a price.

Conditionally
My heart shows too much feeling
Love….I paid the price.

08/11/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A little Haiku

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Loved you with my heart
Just to give you everything
Til death do us part

07/08/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

One Wish

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Introduction to
Avoidance of happiness
Once….I wished  for love

07/03/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

6 words

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A part of me misses you.

07/03/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Stupid

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I rant
I rave,

I give
I forgave,

Listened, heard
A speechless word

Loved..thick and thin
Your heart,  I’d win,

Settled, took what came
In the end, this game…..

Feeling stupid
FUCK CUPID.

06/11/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Never Again

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The look in my eyes

to the curve of my thighs

You can look, search, and try

But another me…you’ll never find.

A heart full of love

With every word-away you shoved

Your love, all I thought of

Today, I’ve had enough

I smile big now

Confident – I remember how

Don’t confuse it with a scout

Taking it slow, not lookin for vows

Always tried my best

Stood out from the rest

Listened through your chest

Like a coward, you left the nest

Waited like a fool

Let you twist and turn me like a tool

Tried to sit and keep cool

I’ve drowned in a tear pool

Love can goto hell

My heart clammed up in a shell

This lil fairytale,

I lived to tell…..

One mans trash is anothers treasure

The next will be beyond measure.

06/08/2013 Posted by | Haiku, poem, poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Changes. ..

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I wonder in my mind
What is it you’ll find

A resemblance of me
No, never, but maybe

Will you be content
Or just to an extent

I needed you
How could you choose

…leaving… left…gone
lonely mornings at dawn

Can’t help but think
If this could change with a wink

Its not that easy though
Our loves at a plateau

05/24/2013 Posted by | poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Who

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Who can I run to
To fill the void that was left
Replaceable…..you

05/23/2013 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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05/22/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Gone

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Bedroom walls echo
Empty, alone, missing you
Whispers…. disappeared

05/22/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

I’m thru with it….love

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Love….you used to mean something to me. You’ve shown things I needed to see. Love….I was glad to have you. I don’t like what you turned me into. Love….you are no longer needed My expectations of you, exceeded. I won’t look for you anymore Returning the feeling, I once wore.

03/26/2013 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A woman, now Fed Up…..

Over the years I’ve given EVERYTHING I have to people, even worse the ones who don’t deserve any part of me. I have decided to now give what’s given, to put out what’s put in, and to let go when I’m losing grip. My heart once was trusting, loving, caring, and happy. Thanks to a few low life jerks in my life, now I have to go through a healing phase. Dreams I have, don’t matter as long as other people fulfill theirs….. well not anymore! It’s time I make my stand. It’s time I do for me. So sick of the let downs, the dead conversations, the relationship that doesn’t have what relationships have!!! Ready to make moves and don’t care who’s hurt along the way!!! May be selfish, I’ve never worn that shoe before, think in gonna try it on and see how it fits!!

01/03/2013 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Life

I
Just
Want
To
Scream,
Kick,
&
Cry!!

10/11/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Deceiving

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St Augustine, beautifully healthy
bright, crisp and green
no dull patches
every strand matches
seeds planted to bloom
plenty of space, growing room
daily kept, well maintained
everyday beauty, remained
beneath, a hole was forming
signs, but not much warning
time and energy spent
ruined, down it went
beautiful as it seemed
the grass wasn’t really green.

10/10/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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