asmythoughtschange

Daily situations resulted in this blog.

Life

I
Just
Want
To
Scream,
Kick,
&
Cry!!

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10/11/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Been a while…

Good evening. I have so many thoughts in my mind, so many feelings flowing through my heart. I don’t know how to put this to words. Feeling…not blank, but blank. Emotions too embarrassing for posting.

A life, once wanted…
A love, once felt…
A void, never thought of…
Emptiness, indescribable…

I don’t know what the feeling is… A little too tired to try and figure it out.

Instead of dwelling on the emotional roller coaster, I’ve decided to follow my heart, make myself happy, and fulfill the dreams and wants I have. If love is involved, great! If love fails, well then it just wasn’t meant to be.

I can’t focus on any poetry. My mindset isn’t there. This was just a hello to all my followers, I’m still alive :), my poetry isn’t for the time being.

Thank you for reading. YOLO!!!

06/30/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Appearance

Just a thought…

Do you ever look at some people and wonder what goes on in their life? An appearance can be deceiving, misunderstood, confusing, or just plain truth about someone. I seen someone and thought, “damn they got it together”, I was wrong. People have much game, in other words….lies, their appearance along with their words can be mistaken for what and who they really are. Bad thing is, you try to believe people and not always think the worst, but what’s shown…the worst. Then we’re left stereotyping, or not trusting, which can lead to problems.

I’ve been a bad judge of character, but, I can sometimes look right through the bullshit. Eyes are an obstacle, I can’t always get through. They say you can see someone is lying through their eyes, but a compulsive liar will look you in your eyes and make you believe their lies as much as they do.

Women carry themselves a certain way, and they’re looked at for their appearance. Once you talk to some-eye opener, not what you thought. Some dress conservative, and you think, “ok, damn I wonder what kind of car she drives”?, and you look, its a wrecked Ford Taurus, where you’re thinking it would have been a Lexus. Or maybe its the other way around, she’s looking trashy, and she’s rolling in an Escalade on 28’s. And then there’s the men…oh I love this, he passes you by at the store smelling so good, looking nice, appears to have it together and you think, (damn, maybe he’s the one, good job, dresses nice, fine, and he has no ring on his finger), but, yes but he’s got a woman he’s shacking with, and has kids, his job isn’t the greatest, and will still give you some play because he lured you in by his appearance and in the end, that’s all he’s really got. And then there’s the guy we think has nothing, jeans, white T-Shirt crisp on the sleeves, like he just ironed it, long thick gold chain, with a few golds in his mouth, in the back of your mind, street pharmacist…not the type of guy you’d want around for fear of having to bond him out at some point. When in fact his appearance says that, however, he writes poetry, use sweet and he has his own business and started from nothing and building it from the ground up, and his appearance let’s you know he hasn’t forgotten where he came from, but he had dreams and followed through with them. Has no woman in his life, because he’s focused on his dream.

My job requires me to deal with people everyday and sometimes, well most of  the time, I try not to stereotype them, however it is so hard due to their appearance. In everyday life people have their own style, and some wish they were what they appeared to be or not how they appeared to be.

In love, appearance says a lot too. You can be with someone and appear to be so happily in love, but   you’re miserable and want out, but can’t, don’t know how, don’t want to hurt anyone so instead you hurt and stay in this, what appears to be happy relationship.

In my life I’ve shown sides that I’m not. I’ve appeared to be happy and stress free when I was lost and confused, hurt, felt unloved, but still held onto a facade of happiness.

Anyway, just felt the need to write about something and appearance was brought to my attention this morning.

Have a good day, and thanks for reading =)

05/17/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

#23

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Here I am at work
Twiddling my thumbs, waiting
Come on 5 o’clock

04/27/2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Addiction Recovery

I was inspired to write this after reading someone’s addiction. I once was an addict. I’m recovered now, due to circumstances…

~~addiction~~previously written~~
http://wp.me/p1wCCk-9G
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An addiction so strong
made me do everything wrong
choices go left instead of right
that little bit of ecstacy
opened my eyes and made me see
I’ve let go of some of the pain
forgot about the lil lady cane
still have crying eyes
depressed only because of lies
making me do things I’d never do
this payback – long overdue
cried and complained
pillows tear-stained
the jonesing is no more
A new leaf, a closed door
For another hit of you
I think I can think of something else to do
Tossing and turning in bed
No need to with a cleared head
A pushers past you can see
There’s more addicts than just me
leaving my cravings behind
this junkie is no longer blind

02/04/2012 Posted by | Poetry, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

She ain’t worth it…

This is a little personal. I needed to get some thoughts out. Don’t want to talk, but need to express some feelings…

Outsiders looking in usually are judgemental, will give their opinions in a split second. The problem comes in that split second when the truth hurts. That split second can make you cry a river. The reality that’s brought upon you from a different set of eyes.

People say they love you and are there for you and if you need anything to call them. It’s bs most of the time.  People share that line and it sounds so comforting. When you actually need them…no where in sight. I think that goes with love as well. ” I love you” is the biggest set of  words that can mean nothing at all.

Love? I used to know what it meant to be in love and be loved back. Doesn’t feel right now days. The sweet words, say one thing. It’s the actions that show love. At one point I wanted to hear it… I guess I’ve grown up some, because now its just words. Showing someone you love them doesn’t involve much. People don’t realize when you show love, the little things you do can be done in return to express your love. May sound like a copycat, but its so simple.

Children- it takes two to make a child. All it takes is one to carry a child. Wouldn’t it be easier for the pregnant mother to have support if the two were physically involved during the pregnancy? A lot less stress for one. And two, maybe the mother could actually relax, or her feelings could be cared about. So many empty tears wouldn’t be shed.

Happiness- is there a such thing as real true happiness? If so where is it? You ever wonder what it is you did so wrong in life to be dealt the hand you were given? Simple things are happiness. For me anyway. You don’t ask for much, but get nothing anyway by the one who “loves” you. Maybe I want happiness too much. Hell, who doesn’t? The problem is finding it. Not that person, but the happiness itself.

She ain’t worth it – at one time I thought I didn’t deserve love, happiness or a companion to share life with. Every time I turned, there was a new obstacle for me to fight through. Then I thought maybe I’m not worthy of these simple things that I long for so badly. I’ve cried myself to sleep at night wondering, why me?  Tears so big and heavy, you could hear them hit the pillow. I am worthy of all the things I desire. The problem now is trusting someone worthy enough to give myself to. Life is full of disappointments. After doubting what I deserve and what or who I’m good enough for – I know who I am, and how to love. Now to see who’s good enough for me and who deserves me.

Had to release some tears and some frustrations.

02/01/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Broken Hearts

Strong hearts are built to last
broken, then mended to forget the past
preparation for the next
remembering mistakes from an ex
never to regret what’s been done
keep your head up for a new one.

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01/27/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Where do they do this….

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This is the type of picture that gets all the attention and it isn’t good.

I mean damn, no class, heels aren’t worn right, hell they aren’t even high enough to be sexy. The crotchless body(hoes)….tacky. Looking at this…these be the same chicks on Facebook dogging a men out, saying how they ain’t no good or better yet, get mad after the date/booty call and he doesn’t call PERIOD! Very tasteless and so trashy.

There is nothing wrong with feeling sexy or being a little confident…but c’Mon at some point you have to realize less is more and in this case…..less clothes, is more tacky!

Ladies carry yourself sexy and be sexy, but just know, not just anything is sexy. Confidence is key, but the key can be turned the wrong way.

Had to share this.

01/17/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Developing Faith

It’s been said
“Let go, Let God”
developing faith
trials/tribulations
success/struggles
love/hate
hurt/good feelings
death/life
our children
strengths/weaknesses
home/homeless
heaven/hell
unemployed/employed
during these trying situations we’re told
“Let go, Let God”
“Things happen for a reason”
Why aren’t we able to know the reasons? A friend told me we wouldn’t be able to handle the reasons if we knew them. So we have to continue to have faith and believe as well as trust that everything will work itself out.

01/11/2012 Posted by | Poetry, Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Happy New Year Haiku #1

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A new year, new day
Continuing to believe
I will be just fine.

01/08/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Dealt Hand

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Ups and downs
    Wins and loses
          Lovers and haters
               Friends but no enemies
                    Single parent home
                         Good and bad days
                              A Happy New Year….gone wrong

However my hand was dealt, I have been strong and worked through it. Strength and determination wasnt lacked. It’s been a rough year, the end was just as rough. Happy, sad, and some confusing moments.

2011 has been a year full of lessons, two main things stick out – not all “friends” were friends and many words that were spit, had no real meaning, so they weren’t kept. Love? Oh how I have learned about love. It can have you making choices and doing things that should NOT be done! Last thing that stood out….liars will be liars…”see what had happened was”. Lol

Trying to get the right jump off in 2012, I will be in church blessing my new year coming as well as my son on the way and the other two I already have. I plan to love and be loved. This year I won’t just settle like I’ve done this year. Settling…set me back! Just because the hand I was dealt wasn’t the best, doesn’t mean I can’t make the best of it!

…Happy New Year…

12/30/2011 Posted by | Poetry, Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

This mornings thoughts…

In life, as we grow we make mistakes. Some of us learn from them. And some don’t. I’ve noticed that some people will settle, just for the sake of feeling loved. Love is supposed to be an amazing feeling. The best part of love for me is knowing its  genuwine. However at one time, I wasn’t sure if real love would ever make its way to me. I thought maybe I asked for too much.

After an incident that occurred yesterday, I’ve learned I can be someones biggest threat because of the woman I am, the love I give and display or have displayed in the past. After you have been hurt and done so wrong and still can continue to love with your all and no bitterness…it says a lot. People can mistake no tolerance for bitterness though. One person can only tolerate so much being done to them before a wall has been built. It is up to the next to care enough to break it down and get inside. It’s not ok to break the barriers, feel like you have won, to give that person a reason later on to build a thicker wall with more stability and structure that makes it impossible to break down again.

People make mistakes through patterns. Women, we complain about going through issues with men, but its a pattern or a cycle, we choose the same type of men or we feel we need more than one man to compensate what another lacks. Or we as people tolerate the same crap from others, because we don’t realize or care to recognize the pattern. Men, you complain all the good women are taken or you can’t find one. A pattern as well, maybe you are attracted to the same type of woman, maybe you feel you need more than one woman, whatever the case is, if we’re tired of the same PATTERNS we have to acknowledge them and change them.

Yesterday is gone, we cannot take back anything done or said from yesterday. Today is here, live right and love the one you desire from this day forward. Tomorrow is not promised, don’t regret your today…tomorrow.

Felt the need to express this. Comments are welcome. God bless and have a beautiful day.

12/10/2011 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Taking some action

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Dream, think, plan, plot, DO
Everyday I’m hustling…
Jackson, Grant, Franklin

11/30/2011 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Facebook post worthy of sharing

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Motivation.
“All change in life comes from within. It is
what’s in humanity’s soul, not what’s in
humanity’s wallet, that will purchase our
freedom from humanity’s suffering.” ~ Neale
Donald Walsch

11/22/2011 Posted by | Reblogged | , , , , | Leave a comment

Life

I’ve made some stupid choices
People so anxious for me to hear their voices
What’s been done, is done
Can’t change it for no one
When you make your bed, you lay in it
I’ll keep my head up, and won’t quit
I look at myself and often wonder why
I’ve paid the price, and the cost was high
Some people have it worse than me
But without my mistakes, who would I be
Life is a lesson for all of us
Living it, we learn who we can & can’t trust
People lift you up with words
And let you down through hurt
It’s been said, you make your own destiny
Only if we could predict what it will be
I’ve said before I’m making a change
I’m still living the same, with nothing rearranged
And still I complain
Things are the same
As hard as it may seem
We have to let go & let it be
I know what is meant, will come
I won’t always do this alone
With positive, motivating, Christian friends
Gaining my faith, helps in the end
I pray for him all the time
Impatiently waiting for the sign
At 34 years old
A life of memories, I hold
Many more years to grow
Life, has its ups and downs, this we know
With God on my side
I’ll change my view, and set standards high.

11/15/2011 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

A Strong Woman

When I’m lonely I turn to writing

I can release my frustrations without fighting

No problem with self expression

although it’s not, seems like depression

Never been one to be sad all the time

This love, has me losing my mind

I love love, but I love me too

With time and space, I’m learning my truth

No since in feeling lonely and sad

I’m getting things now, I never had

As a strong and independent woman

why should I shed unnecessary tears for another human

Many reasons to be happy and proud

I don’t want sadness hanging over me like a cloud

I look into my eyes

I know what I’ve seen inside

Each day I’ve  grown from mistakes and pain

through it all, I maintain

I love who I have come to be

A Woman, strong and worthy!

11/04/2011 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Making Changes

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Things in my life are changing
Due to that, I’m rearranging
My thoughts are in a different place
Clearing my head, making space
So much to look forward to
Making some dreams come true
One step at a time
What I want, will be mine
Every mistake I’ve made
Through this life, nothing I’d trade
I’m smart, beautiful, and kind
Yet the wrong things occupy my mind
My worth and time deserve more
Realizing this, I’m closing the door
Looking for something new
To take me on a path
I’ve never been through
I’ve been forced to think this way
A new dawn, a new day!

10/27/2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | 6 Comments

Seen this on facebook

“Anger is like flowing water; there’s nothing
wrong with it
as long as you let it flow. Hate is like stagnant
water;
anger that you denied yourself the freedom to
feel,
the freedom to flow; water that you gathered in
one
place and left to forget. Stagnant water becomes
dirty,
stinky, disease-ridden , poisonous, deadly; that is
your hate.
On flowing water travels little paper boats; paper
boats of
forgiveness. Allow yourself to feel anger, allow
your waters
to flow, along with all the paper boats of
forgiveness. Be human.”
|C. JoyBell C.|
~Ross
By: Positive Vibrations

10/18/2011 Posted by | Reblogged | , , | 2 Comments

Dreams and Aspirations.

At some point in our lives we all have a dream. Money, a perfect marriage, a best friend in your mate, true friends that stick by your side, a good job/career, successful business, or whatever, your dream is – having a strong support system is great.

All of the above have been things I’ve dreamed of, some not so successful, but others are still in the process.

This post is getting a thought out. I have a couple good, great friends who have listened to me cry. They have lifted my spirits and try to guide me away from harm. And for that I am thankful.

I’m 34 and I have a different Outlook on what I want for my life. Having strong people who support my decisions whether good or bad, is truly appreciated. I have shed many unnecessary tears and expressed much hate, knowing I’m not hateful, but full of love.

At any rate, I know that we go through obstacles in life for a reason, that has been told to me so much lately. As well as the saying “you’re not given more than you can handle”. I’m putting things together, gathering my thoughts, and collecting my memories as I continue to strive forward and work on my life. I’ve come pretty far and overcame a lot of hurt, so now its time to be happy.

I’m working on a homebased business that I’m giving my all to, I’m extremely excited about it and so far have gotten many ideas as to how to make it more successful. My friends as well as random people are really giving me some helpful insights. Again that support system is great!

My prayers will stay consistent as well as my faith for I know there will be some more obstacles in my way…. But “anything worth having, is worth fighting for”.

Have a nice day to all who took the time to read my thoughts.

08/26/2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment

   

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