asmythoughtschange

Daily situations resulted in this blog.

Taking on new thoughts

Heard all the excuses

some I’m sure were lies

unfortunately, now it deuces

a child to hold ties.

Our fairytale came to an end

long ago it was dead

space helped to mend

as I sleep alone in my bed.

New thoughts I think

new plans I make

the sadness had to sink

no more emptiness I’ll take.

Life is too short to waste

trying to be something I’m not

reality is a bitter taste

one day I’ll get the knot =)

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12/08/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

One Wish

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Introduction to
Avoidance of happiness
Once….I wished  for love

07/03/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Never Again

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The look in my eyes

to the curve of my thighs

You can look, search, and try

But another me…you’ll never find.

A heart full of love

With every word-away you shoved

Your love, all I thought of

Today, I’ve had enough

I smile big now

Confident – I remember how

Don’t confuse it with a scout

Taking it slow, not lookin for vows

Always tried my best

Stood out from the rest

Listened through your chest

Like a coward, you left the nest

Waited like a fool

Let you twist and turn me like a tool

Tried to sit and keep cool

I’ve drowned in a tear pool

Love can goto hell

My heart clammed up in a shell

This lil fairytale,

I lived to tell…..

One mans trash is anothers treasure

The next will be beyond measure.

06/08/2013 Posted by | Haiku, poem, poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Changes. ..

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I wonder in my mind
What is it you’ll find

A resemblance of me
No, never, but maybe

Will you be content
Or just to an extent

I needed you
How could you choose

…leaving… left…gone
lonely mornings at dawn

Can’t help but think
If this could change with a wink

Its not that easy though
Our loves at a plateau

05/24/2013 Posted by | poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Forgotten

I’ve forgotten….

I’ve forgotten how it feels to be loved.

04/15/2013 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A woman, now Fed Up…..

Over the years I’ve given EVERYTHING I have to people, even worse the ones who don’t deserve any part of me. I have decided to now give what’s given, to put out what’s put in, and to let go when I’m losing grip. My heart once was trusting, loving, caring, and happy. Thanks to a few low life jerks in my life, now I have to go through a healing phase. Dreams I have, don’t matter as long as other people fulfill theirs….. well not anymore! It’s time I make my stand. It’s time I do for me. So sick of the let downs, the dead conversations, the relationship that doesn’t have what relationships have!!! Ready to make moves and don’t care who’s hurt along the way!!! May be selfish, I’ve never worn that shoe before, think in gonna try it on and see how it fits!!

01/03/2013 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

:(

When
A
Woman’s
Fed
Up
…..
there ain’t nothing
     you can do about it!!!

09/11/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Been a while…

Good evening. I have so many thoughts in my mind, so many feelings flowing through my heart. I don’t know how to put this to words. Feeling…not blank, but blank. Emotions too embarrassing for posting.

A life, once wanted…
A love, once felt…
A void, never thought of…
Emptiness, indescribable…

I don’t know what the feeling is… A little too tired to try and figure it out.

Instead of dwelling on the emotional roller coaster, I’ve decided to follow my heart, make myself happy, and fulfill the dreams and wants I have. If love is involved, great! If love fails, well then it just wasn’t meant to be.

I can’t focus on any poetry. My mindset isn’t there. This was just a hello to all my followers, I’m still alive :), my poetry isn’t for the time being.

Thank you for reading. YOLO!!!

06/30/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Free

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Releasing the lock
breaking free, the chains that bind
I’ve loved, and I’ve lost

05/08/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Hope is gone

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Empty spaces, filled
Two, three, four…your agenda
Blank – no vacancy

05/02/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Addiction Recovery

I was inspired to write this after reading someone’s addiction. I once was an addict. I’m recovered now, due to circumstances…

~~addiction~~previously written~~
http://wp.me/p1wCCk-9G
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An addiction so strong
made me do everything wrong
choices go left instead of right
that little bit of ecstacy
opened my eyes and made me see
I’ve let go of some of the pain
forgot about the lil lady cane
still have crying eyes
depressed only because of lies
making me do things I’d never do
this payback – long overdue
cried and complained
pillows tear-stained
the jonesing is no more
A new leaf, a closed door
For another hit of you
I think I can think of something else to do
Tossing and turning in bed
No need to with a cleared head
A pushers past you can see
There’s more addicts than just me
leaving my cravings behind
this junkie is no longer blind

02/04/2012 Posted by | Poetry, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Fallback Friday

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Friday nights mean nothing
phone on, but doesn’t ring
come Saturday, stressed and worried
then blow me up for apologies
claim to understand and know
that isn’t what actions show
instead I sit here and wait
for a call out of New York state
I could go out or make a call
trying to be strong through it all
lonely Friday night
wonders why I’m ready to fight
It’s called fallback for a reason
he falls back for the evening…

01/27/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

About to lose

Love and attention
Losing your grip, she’s drifting
Once she’s gone, you’ve lost

12/08/2011 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

But I’m Crazy?

I wrote this a couple months ago, but wanted to post it.

Late night conversations
A thing of the past.
Miscellaneous calls at one or two in the am
Just to hear my voice, done!
Sweet throughout the day texts
Forgot what those feel like.
Roses through messages to let me know
….I WAS on your mind….
Hour long talks
Without quiet gaps in between.
Impatience, to see me
Feels so dreadful now.
The talks of marriage
Down the drain.
Comments of missing me
Those only from me now.
Thoughtful gestures…
Disappeared!
Getting on your nerves
Was never the case.
Arguements regularly
Because of change
Practice what you preach
“Don’t ever change”
Thoughts I think now
…..cuz I’m crazy!!

Crazy I’m not.
signs of separation
Accusations for a cause
— Trust —
How does one
With all the obvious changes
— Love —
Why when its not returned
— Distance —
Learning to do that myself
— Conversation —
Empty and dry
— Hate —
Soon to replace love
— Life —
Without love
….I’ll manage….
— Change —
I have to for me
— Happiness —
Feels good
— Relationship —
Two people “together”
— Regrets —
Just one
— Dead —
…………………….
— Quote —
What goes around, comes around.
…all this cuz I’m crazy…

12/07/2011 Posted by | Poetry, Sharing My Thoughts, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

If he….

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If he were my bed
        I’d stay under the covers
If he were the stars
        Id always look to him
If he were my pen
        There would always something to write about
If he were a flower
        I’d keep a bouquet of him
If he were a lie
        I’d never tell the truth
If he were a candle
        I’d only need the flicker of his flame
If he were with me
        I’d never be alone
If he were a microphone
        I’d make him my melody
He is my everything
        If only he knew…

12/05/2011 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , | 6 Comments

I don’t know what to call this…

I don’t ask for much
All I want is him and his touch.
I’m not ready yet, to let go
My feelings for him, I know they show.
There’s not a day, he’s not on my mind
Space separates us along with time.
I want to give my love
There’s nobody else I think of.
My body is going insane
Offers all around, “ma, what’s your name”
I smile and keep it moving
Proud, but sad cause I feel like I’m losing.
Why did I find love so far away?
What could I have done different for him to stay?

10/19/2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Separated by Death

Like a patient on a machine,
Relying on u
to get me thru
Rapidly dying inside
this pain I can’t hide.
As I breathe these last breaths,
Without you, feels like death
My pulse rate is dropping
I need u to keep my heart from stopping.
I lay on my back, gasping for air
I reach for you, but ur not there.
Please come help save me
your arms is where I need to be.
I need to feel your heart against mine
Come hold my hand, fingers intertwined.
As the beeps stop on the  monitor
Someone help, call the doctor.
I leave you with this letter
Once I seen I couldnt get better…

The love we have will stay with me
you were who I wanted us to be.
I have left with you in my soul
With your presence, you made me whole.
Now I am just a memory to you
Your love, thru death I held onto.
Only separated physically
I love you unconditionally.
Here or gone, you never had to question my love
Because loving you, I was proud of
Always know you were my heart
And death is all that could make us part.
If I could, in turn be your angel
I will fight every battle.
I want to be by your side
Nothing left for us to decide.
I will be with you in spirit
Still my love has no limit.

10/02/2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Love

How should it not be
Separated, lonely, far
Test of love to me.

09/19/2011 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , | Leave a comment

   

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