asmythoughtschange

Daily situations resulted in this blog.

11/28/15

an illusion of you…

11/28/2015 Posted by | Haiku, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Six words

Spilled ink splattered across the table.

07/24/2014 Posted by | poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Useless

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After everything, still alone. How much heartbreak is one person supposed to go through? So tired of crying for happiness. With each try comes a child, relationship failure, and left alone to figure it out. How is it I’m supposed to have faith and trust, but with each time, despite the trust, despite the faith there is an asshole there to bring pain to my heart?

How is it so easy to make children and walk out of their lives only to give indecisive answers to any question or want that they may have? How can a person continue to make children and leave each of them? Its a repetitive loser cycle. I could never just leave my children and live my life content. The kids need both of their parents. Sure it’s easy to find someone else to replace the absent parent, but its not completely fair to the children.

Excuses….don’t we all have them? The great thing about that is, when it’s something we really want, theres no excuse, we do it, get it, or whatever.

I have given up on love. I no longer want to love again. I don’t want another selfish, son of a bitch to think he can treat me however and expect me to be a good woman. F**k being a good woman. Being a good woman gets you cheated on, lied to, forgot about, used, taken advantage of, belittled, laughed at, put down, and left to raise kids alone.

I often wonder what is wrong with me, am I not skinny enough, and I not fat enough, is it because im not a black woman or a Spanish one, is it the excitement of being with a white girl, is it the disappointment, is it embarrassment, Is my hair long enough, is it too short, is it because I cant give everything, or is it because I give everything I have, is it because I want more, do I not want enough??

I just want to give up on everyone and everything. The depression is taking over. The tears slide over my cheeks to my pillow. Who would notice, who would know, who would care??

04/27/2014 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Taking on new thoughts

Heard all the excuses

some I’m sure were lies

unfortunately, now it deuces

a child to hold ties.

Our fairytale came to an end

long ago it was dead

space helped to mend

as I sleep alone in my bed.

New thoughts I think

new plans I make

the sadness had to sink

no more emptiness I’ll take.

Life is too short to waste

trying to be something I’m not

reality is a bitter taste

one day I’ll get the knot =)

12/08/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Stupid

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I rant
I rave,

I give
I forgave,

Listened, heard
A speechless word

Loved..thick and thin
Your heart,  I’d win,

Settled, took what came
In the end, this game…..

Feeling stupid
FUCK CUPID.

06/11/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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Depressed, hurt, betrayed
Standing tall, despite the height
Yes, I’m still standing.

06/11/2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Never Again

wpid-b-photo

The look in my eyes

to the curve of my thighs

You can look, search, and try

But another me…you’ll never find.

A heart full of love

With every word-away you shoved

Your love, all I thought of

Today, I’ve had enough

I smile big now

Confident – I remember how

Don’t confuse it with a scout

Taking it slow, not lookin for vows

Always tried my best

Stood out from the rest

Listened through your chest

Like a coward, you left the nest

Waited like a fool

Let you twist and turn me like a tool

Tried to sit and keep cool

I’ve drowned in a tear pool

Love can goto hell

My heart clammed up in a shell

This lil fairytale,

I lived to tell…..

One mans trash is anothers treasure

The next will be beyond measure.

06/08/2013 Posted by | Haiku, poem, poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

6 words

…today I thought you would be…

11/12/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Making some repairs…

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Holes in the wall
…your words…
I’ve heard them all

Photographs of happiness
…cracked…
not what we’d wished

Home, once full of love
…silence…
Love wasn’t strong enough

Missing what we had
…us…
Now turning bad

Wondering what to do
…separated…
Almost through

Holding onto what
…a love?…
I want to trust you, but…

One thread at a time
…happiness again…
We will find.

06/05/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shattered

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Like broke glass, shattered
with what was once filled with…love
photographs, no more

Torn between the two
should you stay or should you go
Is your heart now lost?

Don’t know how or when
trying to gather pieces
only time can tell.

I will love again
Love for you has never left
my actions will speak.

Chosen words were wrong
memories of history
accusations hurt

Losing a feeling
conversation of the past
I don’t want to be!

The house, the plans, us
raising our family…
can it be repaired?

Do we continue
Holding on to shattered love?
Is hope really lost?

05/30/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A letter to Love

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Love, on you, I’ve given up
          I tried to know you
          Tried to feel you
          I failed.
Love, I wish I never met you
          The way you make people feel
          its not fair
          although you are worth experiencing
Love, what have I done to you
          why do you treat me like you do
          are you worth my tears
          many tears I’ve cried for you
Love, I understand why people shy away
          why people run and hide
           the way you make people feel,
may not be worth the ride
Love, I’ve loved how I wanted to be loved
          but something about you
          I don’t do enough of
          so with you, I’m giving up…

          

05/11/2012 Posted by | Poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Free

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Releasing the lock
breaking free, the chains that bind
I’ve loved, and I’ve lost

05/08/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Selfish

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It’s all about you
It’s about you gettin yours
Daddy wants to come

05/08/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The element of me

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Fire, passionate
romance, warmth, desire, wild
blazing intense love

05/07/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#23

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Here I am at work
Twiddling my thumbs, waiting
Come on 5 o’clock

04/27/2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

#22

Somethings on my mind
A big role, like deja vu
Here we go AGAIN

04/20/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

So much of me

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A big girl….yep that’s me
Always been a lil heavy
Thick and chunky
However, there’s more to me
Much more than what you see

Healthy thighs
Pretty brown eyes
Breasts impossible to hide
Hips, yea they’re wide

Always been big-boned
Since date of conception
My frame has definition
I’m curvy, did I forget to mention

Sometimes a little shy
Hiding under my clothes, I try
I want to feel beautiful in his eye
This is me, I can’t deny

Never had low self esteem
Even when people said things that were mean
Inside it hurt, you’ll never hear me scream
If not for one, someone else’s queen
His passion, his pleasure, his dream

Maya Angelou said it for me
“I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman…..that’s me”.

Plenty of women for you to see
Something about me, obviously
Maybe you were intrigued
Could it be curiosity

A big girl… Yep that’s me
Always been a lil heavy
Thick and chunky
However, there’s more to me
Much more than what you see…

04/13/2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

So true.

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I had to post this.
It’s a reminder for me.
My tongue can sometimes be so sharp.
Once its done the cutting, it leaves a scar.

04/11/2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Lost

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Dizzy, room spinning
Losing focus, where am I
Please help me……SAVE ME

04/11/2012 Posted by | Haiku | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Title

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…blank…
as my thoughts change

mind thinking
thoughts changing
pencil sharpened
ink spilling
happy heart
heartbroken
full of love
empty
confident
clueless
a new leaf
history repeats
motivated
driveless
…blank…
again

as my thoughts change

04/06/2012 Posted by | Sharing My Thoughts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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